I lost pa only recently. Well, one year feels recent now.
Only the morning of this exact day one year ago did I see a man whom I love so much die slowly right in front of me. I saw as his breath slowly left his body. Every second of that morning was another second lost. That morning I would have never guessed it would be the last morning spent with him.
Pa died and I went to the States leaving my mother behind to face this lost alone. It made it easier for me to let go being so far away. I went through this period rather well. But at times, it hurts so badly that every inch of my heart aches. And it still does. He has always been there with my mother to guide us. But the sudden absence of one person so important is a deep impact.
Yes, I will have to admit that it's hard to cope with all the emotions. Everyone loses someone important throughout their lifetime, it's just way earlier for me.
Sometimes I wonder. Wonder if I am turning into a rude mean girl without his guidance, in the disciplinary sense. Wonder if I am making the right choices in life.
I am however grateful to have friends and family who were there through my tough times and still are supporting me. I am even more grateful to those who helped my mother and sister to pull it through this whole period. My most sincere thank yous to those who gave support and love. You know who you are.
I try to control my emotions but sometimes, just a split moment of time, I wished he was still by our side..
