one self

they say losing your one self would mean a never ending challenge.
when one self is lost, it can not be found in a brief moment.
one self cannot merely be redeemed through the reflection on the mirror.
nor through a one self personality test.

then how can one self ever be salvaged again?

the lost of one self could be as easy as getting stuck onto the beat of a song.
or as simple as tripping over tiny cracks on the pavement
or even as timeless as watching continuous soap operas

but the worst would always come, when it involves another being.

could it be the same? where do i stand now?
the soil below me trembles as my mini Tsunami hits the grounds i used to stand firmly, once a long time ago..

maybe he being here would help.

i'm fine. i will be.

why me? but why not me? *quote Pa*

I lost pa only recently. Well, one year feels recent now.
Only the morning of this exact day one year ago did I see a man whom I love so much die slowly right in front of me. I saw as his breath slowly left his body. Every second of that morning was another second lost. That morning I would have never guessed it would be the last morning spent with him.

Pa died and I went to the States leaving my mother behind to face this lost alone. It made it easier for me to let go being so far away. I went through this period rather well. But at times, it hurts so badly that every inch of my heart aches. And it still does. He has always been there with my mother to guide us. But the sudden absence of one person so important is a deep impact.

Yes, I will have to admit that it's hard to cope with all the emotions. Everyone loses someone important throughout their lifetime, it's just way earlier for me.

Sometimes I wonder. Wonder if I am turning into a rude mean girl without his guidance, in the disciplinary sense. Wonder if I am making the right choices in life.

I am however grateful to have friends and family who were there through my tough times and still are supporting me. I am even more grateful to those who helped my mother and sister to pull it through this whole period. My most sincere thank yous to those who gave support and love. You know who you are.

I try to control my emotions but sometimes, just a split moment of time, I wished he was still by our side..

Uncle Chong

On 23rd February 2008 was approximately 2 months after Papa's death. He is my father and he was a great man. For all who have known him would feel the lost. For those who did not would feel the grief too.

*

I hope you would all take a moment and have a thought of him.

~

Did he once fried eggs for your morning breakfast?
Did he once told you eat everything you can during a barbecue?
Did he once taught you how to throw a short put?
Did he once showed you the way to chop a bamboo?
Did he once talked and laughed with you?
Did he once encountered your life?

~

Let us all be reminded that the time with our loves ones is very precious. Look back for the past week, did you roll your eyes at your mother because she told you to do something for your own sake? Did you shout at your brother for being annoying when all he wanted was to play with you? What if you never got the chance to be kind to them again?

*

Think about it the next time you argue with any member of your family.

*

Please have a moment of silence for Uncle Thomas too.
Thank you.

Month in Maine

It's February 12th today!

It has been officially a month I have been in Maine. I arrived in the States on the 9th January but came to Maine on the 12th January, a Saturday. The feeling was great when I first arrived here. Everything is so new and exciting. *grins* I am having a blast here! I am an American High School Senior and that's something not everyone can be. *laughs*




It has also been a month and 20 days since Papa has passed away. I love him so much. I love you, Jie and Ma very much too.

Let's highlight Julie Andrews and Christhoper Plummer from The Sound of The Music. They are getting old now. They have great voices and Julie Andrews is a legend. Go youtube and watch a couple of videos of them.

I love medium rare steaks..

Decided to continue packing the room today but still unaccomplished. Went down to Bukit Bintang to have dinner at The Ship again. I ordered charboiled rib eye again and Mother had Seafood Au Gantin. I think The Ship should pay me for the highlight every time I go there for dinner. *laughs* I go there quite often that I even notice they renovated their toilet. *grins* But without failure, I think of Jie every single time we have dinner there.

this is influenced by nickie

Walked to Starhill Gallery to check out the Christmas decoration. The projected some long lasting tiny bubbles (snow) which stays on my hair. Pretty nice. Better than in Midvalley.

There were carolling session too. It was great. The choir group sang really well. And I'm attracted to those guys that sang especially those with great voices and ain't shy.

the middle one is pretty adorable

Dinner and more Christmas trees

Visited Nanny (my baby sister) today. She looks good and I'm happy for her but she feels lonely in her neighbourhood full of Malays only. I told her to move back into my garden but her husband doesn't want to. *sigh* At least, I visited her and she feels happier.

Walked around the house and saw a great big moth. It's bigger than my palms.




Father planned for a dinner with his sister and her daughter, Ah Ku and Yin Peng. So Mother and I went down to Midvalley earlier to get cloth for me to make traditional clothing. Midvalley decided to make artificial snow for the children to be happy about.

I found a few more Christmas trees around the building and snapped pictures of it. Loved the one with purple hanging decorations.

Went to Kinrara to have dinner with them. That was okay. We talked about Grandfather because his house is about to be demolished.

Came home, went online, Kean Jie and myself decided to play online games and we ended up playing Jigsaw Too in MSN. It's fun. *laughs*

More birthdays!

Father gave a talk on cancer to the agents in Prudential. Since I prepared the slides, I had to follow him to make sure it's in order since he's no good in power point.



Prudential agents somehow make me feel uncomfortable. Expect for perhaps Julie and my father. Hee..

Then we had dinner at The Ship in Petaling Jaya. It was a belated birthday dinner for Father since we didn't have the chance to last few weeks. Had rib eye steak. Darn good.

my hand sticked out in a very odd way

I still miss Jiejie.

Little baby girl

Currently in Penang now. Aunt Lee Eng decided to get father a cake eventhough he doesn't likes it. Did some birthday song singing.

chocolate banana cake

Father having fun blowing off the candle

Yi Wei

Went round Penang to get some food. Love them. And my new baby cousin sister is so adorable. Only 3days old. I now have another cousin sister to love. *whee*

new baby born. Ain't got a name yet

my funny lil cousins

Birthday meteorite

Went out to KLCC with mother. Sat train there. Saw 3 great people who actually given up their seats for others.

But the train service in KL Sentral sucks. One auto ticketing counter only accepts coins. The other was in repair. When it comes to Malaysian itself and not the product, it's even worst. A counter girl closes her counter even when there's a long que. So the whole KL Sentral WHICH in fact suppose to be the central for all, was left with one ticketing counter and another that only accepts coins. Real failure.

Went to Kinokuniya to get father's birthday gift. Bought him a nickel-iron meteorite stone. Cool stuff. The only one left on the selves.

This meteorite we got was found in Odessa, Texas, USA in the year 1922.

Ate late lunch and walked around until I got real bored at 8pm.

I wanna watch Enchanted!

Going back Penang tommorrow.




P.s: The other day, SMK Convent Kajang won the best 'Pentadbiran Kokurikulum Bahagian Unit Beruniform' for district.

Anniversary

Last Sunday was parent's anniversary. This is a really late post. Father have the urge to have dinner at Dellifrance, so we did.

Pictures.

adorable

the dishes we took

i like the interior design with lanterns

Randomness

Form 5s are off from school this whole week due to lack of classrooms for PMR. But i decided to join intensive class. Went to school on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Tuesday
Had 4periods of Physics and 4periods of Chemistry. Everyone had great laughes for Chemistry by mother.

Wednesday
Seeing the fact that staying at home would tempt me to eat more and sleep more. Wei Sy, Wei Qi and myself went to school to have additional maths exercises together. We brought board games too. Studying too much ain't good you know. It was good. We played only twice and concentrated on our work for the rest of the day.

Father cooked Japanese meal last night.

I'm making the most effort to study hard. Wasted some time messaging others and drawing stuff on my thighs.

Graduation confirmed to be held on October 27th in Metro Inn because according to survey done (as if) by the teacher in charge, most students voted for Metro Inn. (believable) *scoff* And they plan to have Co-curriculum Day on the same day. Mother ain't happy about it too. Imagine us walking around town after school being fancy and dressed up. *meh*

Reality whacked me hard on the face yesterday.Sorry to break your comfort zone, people. We're currently 33days from SPM. Great impact. Now I'm inspired to study.

In addition to that, I'm still missing jiejie. Had a random dream of her picking me up from school. *wonders*

little gift from the Paint For Peace event

feather drawn on my skin

i like my preeety socks *meh*

Fear..? ain't nothing but a bunch of taps on the keyboard

If real friends were oxygen, I would have suffocated by now.

If pain was deep waters, I would have drowned before I could suffocate.

If fear in my heart represented each tab on the keyboard, IBM or Bill Gates have got to invent more words&numberings.

If stress and heavy loads on my chest ain't nothing else but rocks, we are back in the Stone Age.

If those who supported me and understood my pain through this rough times are flowers, Nicole.C would be a blooming sunflower.

If the ones I love to bits are the feathers in my pillow, there would be only three, Y Ji, pa and ma.

Father's operation was fine.

Random coversations.

With Kean Jie:


*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
i think i plug in microphone in the wrong place
Quai says:
and then
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
den it doesnt work..so gav back to my sis
Quai says:
haha
Quai says:
x tau gune ke
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
erk lebih kurang..normally juz plug into d speaker can d mer
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
later i ask my bro get me a new 1..muahaha
Quai says:
no need ler..
Quai says:
u dun plug at the speakers la
Quai says:
ish
Quai says:
u using destop roght?
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
yea
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
sis using laptop so easier for to plug in
Quai says:
u plug at the back of the cpu
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
i takut kena shock..
Quai says:
what the heck
Quai says:
hahah
Quai says:
useless la u
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
><
*one sikwitu <-(-)--vc [KHS] says:
erm cpu is against d wall..needa pull out d table..troublesome ler ..


he's afraid of getting shocked.



With Nickie:


*fairy.berrie* says:
shit la
*fairy.berrie* says:
i want my vector brush
*fairy.berrie* says:
kill u kill u kill u
Quai says:
er..
Quai says:
ne question babe
Quai says:
why kill me ar?
*fairy.berrie* says:
errrrr..dunno
Quai says:
yer
Quai says:
terrible
*fairy.berrie* says:
ppl talking to me i cant concentrate haha
Quai says:
fine..go do
*fairy.berrie* says:
ailing and manggalam how?
Quai says:
how
Quai says:
oh shit..
Quai says:
haha
Quai says:
hmm..
Quai says:
u got their pict anot?
*fairy.berrie* says:
i cant fit any shit into the 2nd page wei
Quai says:
relly?
Quai says:
but must put their pict
*fairy.berrie* says:
damn cramp
*fairy.berrie* says:
haha
Quai says:
ask sam for their pict la
Quai says:
at leats need one la
*fairy.berrie* says:
kk wait
*fairy.berrie* says:
sam online ke?
*fairy.berrie* says:
on the basketball court ones u got?
Quai says:
not in this comp
Quai says:
nope
*fairy.berrie* says:
then go find other comps la
*fairy.berrie* says:
ish
*fairy.berrie* says:
mengader
Quai says:
haha
Quai says:
what la u angry now
*fairy.berrie* says:
GO GET IT LA
*fairy.berrie* says:
TALK SO MUCH
Quai says:
cannot swtich on la
Quai says:
babe
*fairy.berrie* says:
aiyer
*fairy.berrie* says:
break in then
Quai says:
haha
Quai says:
what
*fairy.berrie* :
kill urself!says


at 1st she wanted to kill me and then she wants me to kill myself.

plus, she wants me to break into my computer. Like that will help


And so father operation was okay. According to mother, there some kind of liquid that's coming out from his eyes. (now I'm worried-doesn't mean you have to worry, Jie) Haven't got the chance to visit him yet. Mother took off from school. Pn. Pushpa wanted to send me back and so she did. Came on and stuck my face to the computer screen the whole day.

Got into facebook finally under the influence of Jiejie. I think I'm going to get a lil addicted to it. But then again, SPM!

Geez.

Special thanks to those who asked about father. And also to Nickie whom gave me a little hug in school. Means something.


Jiejie's constantly having test. So we're having sister bonds somehow? Both having the need to study. Hmph..

*sulk*

I have history test tomorrow and I don't want to study. *shrugs* After all the trials and gerak gempur, monthly test seems really tiny.

Came home and went on making mash potatoes for my friends tomorrow since it's thursday, it'll be my turn.

Mother went off to UM hospital cause father is going to be admitted in the hospital tonight. The doctors insist since his surgery is going to be early tomorrow morning. It's an eye surgery.

Let me give you a wild image?

Sharp invisible lasers cut your iris. Suck your lens out. And pump a new lens in. through a tiny tube, pretend as a glass tube in the labratory. And also suck the harden block of blood that's blocking his vision.

*laughs*

make me want to tear someone's mouth. Any volunteers? It'll be great. I promise.

Oh wait. *sigh*

I'm real worried for SPM now which according to the stupid board Convent headmistress made, it's two months left to do all the mastering of additional mathematics, attempting to memorise islam facts, not forgetting the science ones. Sorry to remind all the 17-iens about that, no worries, its two months. A very looooong time!

Geez. A lil' support and inspiration would really help now. *sulk*