eeee's of life

In need of someone.
World crushing on me.
Everyone wanting more.
While trying to escape.
To a place once called home.

What a story to a great life.
Wheeeeee.

without you around

I hate people leaving. Then again who doesn't?

Without you around
I'm a baby
Songs on the radio go on and on
Droplets from the leaking pipe at the backyard
could not compare to our tears after you left
The house once overflowing with laughter
now quiet down again
For there's only two lonely person left behind.


I miss you hunzie pie. Be safe.

DELETE button

Yes. It happened to me. I'll try not to whine.
Click ME then push the DELETE button.
Throw me into the recycle bin.
Or somebody take a knife and stab me!
Well, not literally, I'll whack you instead. For real.

of spices and ice cream

Right on.
Nickie is gone. My little finger is in the process of fixing itself.
More tests coming up. Finals is in less than a month time.
Can't drive. Takes me years to finish up my assignments.
Life is boring me. And it's summer now.

The days are looking rather gloomy.
I need spices. I need more passion.
Wonder if an order of chocolate fondue might help.
How about 2 orders then?

Read this. You've got spice?
Call me.
only if I know you.

the Society, the God.

I used to think that life was how we want it to be.
I always think that my life freaking rock because I made it that way with the decisions I stayed true to.

Then, my life turned around. There isn't passion in life anymore.
Everything evolves around decisions.
Everything evolves around decisions concerning society.

We are all tied to the society.
How pretty, how smart, how capable you are,
It all depends on the society.

Why does it have to be that way?
People often say, just don't bother too much about what others think.
No! you can never do that.
Society judge you! Everyone plays the role of the God.
Everyone knows that they are the best and have every right to criticize,
That's what they think, in their tiny pea mind.

Why are others so hard on different individual?
I thought.

Could it be that it is true?
Could it be that they are jealous?
Could it be that I am a horrible person?

I landed on a thought.
They are insecure.
The whole society is insecure.
The prime way to make them feel better about themselves is to step onto others.
Belittle others then shall they feel more superior.

It is true to everyone.
Why judge? why give others a hard time?
Why not advise and have empathy?

That is why life is how it is. Formed purely by Society.
Nothing but Society.
Individuals who confirm are the best.
Individuals who don't, they are
Weirdos
Sluts
Idiots.

So do I have to be a weirdo, slut or an idiot,
Just to be who I am?
An individual on my own.

one self

they say losing your one self would mean a never ending challenge.
when one self is lost, it can not be found in a brief moment.
one self cannot merely be redeemed through the reflection on the mirror.
nor through a one self personality test.

then how can one self ever be salvaged again?

the lost of one self could be as easy as getting stuck onto the beat of a song.
or as simple as tripping over tiny cracks on the pavement
or even as timeless as watching continuous soap operas

but the worst would always come, when it involves another being.

could it be the same? where do i stand now?
the soil below me trembles as my mini Tsunami hits the grounds i used to stand firmly, once a long time ago..

maybe he being here would help.

i'm fine. i will be.

brrrrr.
i am sneezing none stop for the whole day.
*sobs*

i don't wanna die... neheh.

the new semester stars tomorrow. not hyped up about it. save me.

why me? but why not me? *quote Pa*

I lost pa only recently. Well, one year feels recent now.
Only the morning of this exact day one year ago did I see a man whom I love so much die slowly right in front of me. I saw as his breath slowly left his body. Every second of that morning was another second lost. That morning I would have never guessed it would be the last morning spent with him.

Pa died and I went to the States leaving my mother behind to face this lost alone. It made it easier for me to let go being so far away. I went through this period rather well. But at times, it hurts so badly that every inch of my heart aches. And it still does. He has always been there with my mother to guide us. But the sudden absence of one person so important is a deep impact.

Yes, I will have to admit that it's hard to cope with all the emotions. Everyone loses someone important throughout their lifetime, it's just way earlier for me.

Sometimes I wonder. Wonder if I am turning into a rude mean girl without his guidance, in the disciplinary sense. Wonder if I am making the right choices in life.

I am however grateful to have friends and family who were there through my tough times and still are supporting me. I am even more grateful to those who helped my mother and sister to pull it through this whole period. My most sincere thank yous to those who gave support and love. You know who you are.

I try to control my emotions but sometimes, just a split moment of time, I wished he was still by our side..

I am tired and moody now. Shall blog tommorrow.
Someone please motivate me.

sick.

Hampden, Maine in the United States was my home for 6 months. I am feeling Hampden-sick now.

Help me.

Will it be the same?

Dover- Harvey's dog

My last day in Hampden. There will be a farewell party tonight.

I am in my room, about to be done packing to leave. We will have to met up with the rest of AFS Dirigo Maine kids tomorrow at 1pm.
Looking around, this room has been my comfort place and it feels terrible to have to leave and never come back. The time I spent here is enough to make me feel deeply attached. My host parents have been ever so understanding and supportive. The amazing friends here are, what more can I say, amazing. It sucks to have to bond so special to some of them and yet have to leave and having the chance not to ever meet again.

Yes, I may come back to visit and yet I might meet up with them. But by then things would have been different and my HA high school friends will be going down their different path. *sigh*
I have truly enjoyed myself here in Hampden and I feel rather emotional now.

Yet, I am excited to go home and hang out with my mother, the GGGs, close relatives and some others. I am too excited to get my driver's license and start college. So many changes in so little time makes me nervous. What if I no longer fit in in the GGGs, or what if people back home get shocked with the new me and expected different.

But watch out people, I'm coming back! *laughs silently*

ps: I love Hampden, ME!

Uncle Chong

On 23rd February 2008 was approximately 2 months after Papa's death. He is my father and he was a great man. For all who have known him would feel the lost. For those who did not would feel the grief too.

*

I hope you would all take a moment and have a thought of him.

~

Did he once fried eggs for your morning breakfast?
Did he once told you eat everything you can during a barbecue?
Did he once taught you how to throw a short put?
Did he once showed you the way to chop a bamboo?
Did he once talked and laughed with you?
Did he once encountered your life?

~

Let us all be reminded that the time with our loves ones is very precious. Look back for the past week, did you roll your eyes at your mother because she told you to do something for your own sake? Did you shout at your brother for being annoying when all he wanted was to play with you? What if you never got the chance to be kind to them again?

*

Think about it the next time you argue with any member of your family.

*

Please have a moment of silence for Uncle Thomas too.
Thank you.

Month in Maine

It's February 12th today!

It has been officially a month I have been in Maine. I arrived in the States on the 9th January but came to Maine on the 12th January, a Saturday. The feeling was great when I first arrived here. Everything is so new and exciting. *grins* I am having a blast here! I am an American High School Senior and that's something not everyone can be. *laughs*




It has also been a month and 20 days since Papa has passed away. I love him so much. I love you, Jie and Ma very much too.

Let's highlight Julie Andrews and Christhoper Plummer from The Sound of The Music. They are getting old now. They have great voices and Julie Andrews is a legend. Go youtube and watch a couple of videos of them.

2008 countdown in Genting

Two days after Pa's funeral, my aunt and uncle brought us up to Genting to divert our thoughts from the sudden loss.

On the 30th Dec, we headed up to Genting but due to the countdown celebration, we could only get a room in the Awana hotel. 3 adults, 3 teens and 3 children stayed together in the suite. Weather around the Awana hotel wasn't as cool though.

Since Uncle Gan is the Vice President for the Genting Theme Park, we got complimentary All Park ticket for two days. Wasn't in the mood to go for the rides but have to look after the children while the adults go online in Starbucks. It was cool anyway to look at Tze Yi goofing around.

Had fine dinning in The Olive. Darn cool place. It's compulsory for the waiters to serve us red wine. I had charboiled rib eye. *smack lips* Anyway, everywhere we went with Uncle Gan, people started bowing at the sight of him. *grins*

The last day of 2007

On the 31st, we went to the theme park whole day too. Love bumper car and reminded me of those time we (GGG) had, trashing each other. I was the eldest with the children out in the park, so when my 7year old cousin wants to sit the Jumbo flying elephant, I had to sit beside him.

By 10pm, we joined the adults at the Highland Starbucks and waited for the countdown to start. The crowd was amazing. since the weather was cold, we didn't sweat like we usually do down in Sungei Wang. It was heartaching though, because Pa usually bring us around for countdown and now he's gone.

The fireworks display was spectacular! The display was for a whole 10 minutes and there were variety. There were no tall buildings, the sky was clear. It was much better than in KL. Obviously, since Genting can afford those fireworks knowing the fact that they can earn back the money spent just through a table in the casino.

The family was great. We all had much fun.

More pictures later on.

tong yuen.tong yuen.tong yuen.

Yesterday
I went out whole day yesterday looking for Tourism of Malaysia office to get some brochures and CD in PWTC. Unfortunately the officers that were keeping the keys to the store, which is where the kept the stuff, was not around. *sheesh* Wasted my time taking the LRT down.

Decided to look for Kekkwa, Kementerian Kebudayaan to get some CD on traditional dance and music too. No one by the roadside I've asked knew where the office was situated. Walked blindly around the Sogo area and finally found the office after asking loads of people. Took a lift all the way up to 18th floor when I found out that the officers that have the CD was on holidays too. *feet aching by then*

Since there were no more department I could go to anymore, Mother and I headed straight to Sogo and shopped. *feet still aches but feels better when it aches due to shopping* Got more clothes and some formal shirts from Voir and Nicole.



Today
Finally finished the 44pieces of souvenir to be brought to the States. It's kind of hand phone case/glasses case/iPod case/coin bag/whatever-you can-store-in-it-case made from a big piece of batik sarong. Mother sewed all of them and I thread the strings through to complete it as a case/bag. I did sew one if you would like to know. *grins*

Went down to Old Klang Road to have home dinner with aunts and cousins. We bought satay for them. *slurps* Talked about some complications over dinner. They were to be evicted from their current house for development. Yehyeh (grandfather) is a stubborn man and wants to take his junks along. *sigh sigh* Everything is so hard. So is life itself.

Anyway, I had fun eating the Tong Yuen (coloured flour-balls in syrup) made by Ah Sam. *yum yum* Family stayed a lil while and talked about their childhood. One story touched me a lot. My aunt was almost suffocated to death when her mother silenced her cries with a pillow. Her mother did so to protect the family from being shot. My aunt turned blue and was near death. I'm glad to have her now.

At times like this, Jiejie absence is even more felt. But I'm happy that she's going Chicago for Christmas!

Graduation lunch? Think twice

Convent Kajang Form 5 Graduation lunch was held in Prescott Metro Inn today from 2pm-6pm. Sook May, Wei SyQi and I went around 2.30pm. We were placed in one of the halls on the second floor. Just a tiny hall.


The whole event only started at 3pm. Raihan and Zulaikha gave an opening pantun as usual. Pn Norlia gave a speech, Sook May gave her speech. Due to the very unorganized planning, only 6 teachers attended today which were Pn Norlia, my mom, Pn Lim SH, Pn. Lum MK, Pn Lum Oi Lee and Cik Besira. How pathetic.


The food served wasn't great but I suppose I can't expect too much from a hotel in Kajang. We (May, twins, Yee, Jiani, Camillia, Wey Lu) sat at the table right behind, nearest to the door. We laughed and ate as usual. These people are cool to hang out with if you know them. Not a single song played while we were eating.


Half way through dessert, the whole place blacked out. It was pitch dark. Everyone started using the lights from their cells to guide them. The questions that came up:-

did they pay the bills?

don't this hotel have a generator?

isn't it great to have a graduation in the dark?

And I meant sarcastically. *laughs*
The electricity came back about 10 minutes later.

Sook May giving her speech

Aqilah wore a Elvis-ly suit with spiked up hair!

cheerio?






teachers
girls in line for food




girls in identical kebaya

girls sitting in my table


phone-mp3-songs-mike-loudspeaker

When the people in charge finally decided to play some music, someone used Kushwin's nokia mp3 phone to blast it towards the mike. Unbelievably pathetic. *geez*

Some girls volunteered to find bands to play and they got 3 bands playing for us. The thing is, these bands only play the songs of their own. Not any other famous or known songs. Not to be mean, but if you're playing in an event and you're not like Simple Plan or My Chemical Romance, don't you play covers songs then only promote one of your own? Just wondering. With this, not a single convent student performed as planned before.

Anyway, almost 3 quarter of the girls went out of the hall because the songs delivered were kind of too loud. *shrugs* Only a few girls were actually moving in beat with the songs played as if in a concert. *blinks* At around 4.30pm-5pm, most of us decided to get home.

In the end, the front most table was conquered by the strangers (boy+girl bands). Loads of pictures taken. We got real bored. Headed straight to Wei Sy and Wei Qi house to play monopoly. Hey, at least we have fun doing something. *grins*

*sigh* and there goes our so-called-graduation. I am glad Nickie and the rest went for camp instead of this. And did I mention how pathetic it was again? *double sigh* I have no grudge against the organizers of this event but very disappointed on how it turned out. I'm speaking for majority? But at the least of all, we got to meet up and snap pictures.

9 girls in Indian/Punjabi suits

supposingly teachers' table



saree, kebaya, cheongsam
these ain't stools but baby chairs


monopoly, Manchester United edition


confession?

ps: It still might been stressful for those people in charge, so good effort...?

mess.and more mess

I'll be leaving to the States on the 9th of January 08.

So, I finally decided to pack up the mess in my study room. I'm not even half way through yet! I will continue another day? *sigh*

Went through some stuff. Quite sentimental stuff. It's hard for me to clear the things around cause those stuff reminds me of too many memories.

the rack

my bags and other stuff

my study table

I realised that SPM students use loads of papers and books. Pity those trees. Maybe the idea of SPM ain't that good? *laughs*

No more high school?

What do you do at 3.30pm on Monday, the 26th of November '07?

You put your hands up in the air and you wave like you just don't care! And remember to scream 'SPM's finally over and done with!'. That's the important part.

That wasn't what I did though. I freaked for Biology till the very last minute. SPM results are important to me! I choose to freak out and be a nerd for this period of time. *nerdy smile*

12th Nov 07
Subject: Malay Language I, II, History I
Freaked the night before. Making sure that all my stationery are ready to be used. Drinking water. Check. Exam slip. Check. ID card. Check. Two calculators. Check. Tissue paper. Check. School shoes. Check. White clean socks. Check. Ironed school uniform. Check.

Hardly able to answer history? And the Andrewchoo exam spotting webby did not even get one correct for Malay Language paper. Father fetches me during every lunch hour and then I would sleep in the car.

The days went on. The stress builds up. It was cool and all. Time always flies for me. Even during SPM season.

Mother went back to Penang for Grandma's one year death anniversary. She caught a virus from my cousin and fell sick. It kind of spread to me and I was ILL by Friday, 23th. Slept the whole day through knowing that Biology is in two days time. Slept the whole day again on Saturday. Consumed approximately 15 pills of Paracetamol namely Panadol and Ufamol which I don't usually do but exception for SPM. *sheesh*

Mother is ever so protective and accompanied me to bed until I slept off last night.

Wanted to cry this morning. Being sick makes me a lil emotional. Maybe just a lil more. Or very emotional. Put the blame on the virus!

Went to school officially for the last time. Biology is by far the hardest science subject I might say? Laine passed letters-in-envelope to the member of the GGGs. Wasn't to open it until exam is over.

Mother brought me home and I secretly opened it. She gave us each a Cd containing songs with out memories. Emotional moments. Teared a lil. Making me even more emotional for the rest of the day. Blame it on the letter!

Was smiling all the way through Biology paper III. Not because it was easy but I couldn't help myself from being glad that it's the last exam paper. My nose suddenly bleed and one drop landed on my paper. *laughs* Hmm, will I get extra marks for like dropping a blood sample for Biology? Anyway, some went out early. But I stayed and freaked and struggled til the very last seconds.

As usual, we screamed out of joys and started hugging each other. I was okaaaay until Nickie tease me and tear flowed out again. Blame in on Nickie! Without doubt, the started taking my crying picture.. *grrrrr* Don't blame me. I love school heaps and this is the end. And then Avin came round hugging us. Guess who cried? Nickie!! Teased her in return.

Didn't eat much for the past 3 days but this could not stop me from being extremely joyful. Played volleyball with SookMay, XueEr, WeiSyQi and have great laughs. Signed our names on the volleyball court with permanent marker.

It's just a day of relief and I'm glad. Thanks everyone for everything for nuts. Plus I love my Mother to the bones!!

Plan plan plan for outings!

last year

SPM will soon be here and the next moment, GONE.

Currently, I find studying rather enjoying. I seriously do. And I hate the fact that we are gonna leave school forever in one month time. *sulk* I cry at the thought of it.

Jia Ni's article on Convent spirit rocks while the 2007 Permata magazine..I find it rather dull and theme-less.

Anyway, Form 5ives of 2007, enjoy SPM and rock hard. Have fun.

Mid-autumn festival.

Yes. I was alone on the night when moon was the fullest.

No. I did not play with candles nor hang lanterns around my house.

Yes. I felt miserable for not making friends with the sons and daughters of my neighbours. Hence, I could only hear their laughters and not join them. *sigh*

I could not study feeling terrible. Took my camera out to the garden to take pictures. *laughters still can be heard from my neighbours*

I swear to MUST celebrate mid-autumn festival with Jiejie next year.

the moon right on top of my house

it's a extreme beauty

from moon to the frog

random pictures taken the next day

my dogs can be emofied

Ps. Happy burfs to Jamie Chan. I still miss those times despite everything.